some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
