Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
