I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
