Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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