Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
if only i could text you this smell
Four minutes until I can fart!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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