Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
