If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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