Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
