please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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