Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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