I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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