Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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