There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The beer is more important than you right now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
