I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
