I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
