he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
