I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
