i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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