I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
