just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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