remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
