Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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