On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
