I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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