It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
