I saw his package. It spoke to me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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