Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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