I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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