i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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