My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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