I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
