I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize