New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She bit a glass in half.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
