I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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