If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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