Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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