so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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