I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
time to smoke my breakfast
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
