Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
