On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize