but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
