okay pat passed out under dana's car
People in love make me want to vomit
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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