Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
