Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
