I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
