you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
