So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize