hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
