as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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