Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
