stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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