Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
