She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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