I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize