K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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