He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
