Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
