It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize