Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
