Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
