Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize