Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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