I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
