her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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