Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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