I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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