Umm I'm too high to move.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize