We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
