I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize