At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize