I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So squirting runs in the family.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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