What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
