Someone shit on the floor
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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