I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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