he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This baby is an asshole
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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