Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
