sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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