she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
