Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
