i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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