I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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