I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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