Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
