I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
