I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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