i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
